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When I arrived in San Francisco, I was still tall, thin, and uncoordinated, but I quickly discovered that men wanted to be with me.
While they made the decisive testosterone fueled jump to more masculine pursuits, such as aggressive schoolyard play and sports, I was timid and unsure.
Here, proficiency wasn’t a necessity, only budding vigor, stamina, and unquestioning willingness. A man in a tight thin t-shirt that showed off his pecs like Adam West suddenly asked me to dance. On the dance floor, he moved close and put his mouth to my ear.
Unlike during our lost childhood, there were men willing to coach and guide us. Over the loud music I could slightly make-out a muffled question.
However, typically almost everyone had a first lover that was older, experienced, and reassuring.
In our minds, they are accompanying us into the world of men that we always felt alienated from.
There were a few other unathletic boys in my class, either overweight or exceedingly short, who also got similarly passed-over. Yet, the more they rejected and taunted me, the more I wanted to belong.